I’m never helping anyone ever again.

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I just remembered this so I’ve got to write it down as fast as possible so I don’t forget it. Some of my friends that read this will know this story already as it happened like last year.

I used to work at a Pub called The Windmill. It’s a family type place and like most pubs it served food. With that, you get a load of old people going during the day and having their weekly fix of soggy sprouts and mashed potato.

So I’m heading into work and this old lady is trying to get into her husband’s car, and not doing a very good job of it. And she sort of falls out.

I’ve just realised this story is about another person that might be dead now.

Anyway, I’m not the only person around that sees her fall. But there’s like a one second delay before anyone helps her and everyone is just looking at each other. Like a game of Decency Chicken. So I’m hoping someone beats me to it and I can just go “well done mate”.

But no.

So I have to help up an old lady I don’t know and get her into the car. Her husband is still trying to undo his seatbelt. (They were parked in the disabled spot, so he might have been I don’t know, i’m not judging).

So I get my hand underneath her arse, and she’s like a baby deer. She’s been able to stand for 70 years, I don’t know how she’s forgotten how to do it now.

And she goes and urinates on my hand. I’m like “OH MY GOD!”  She goes “ernnngh”…

I thought I was helping an old lady, now I have an old lady. This old lady is in my life for me to deal with.

I managed to get her in the car and her husband is just managing to get to us (it’s been like 2 full minutes), and he secures her in and they drive away without thanking me or anything.

I deserve a f*****g medal.

Instead I just have a story about old lady urine on my hand.

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