Ok, my first therapy session.

When I was about 12, I went through this stage of stealing stuff from the local shop. When I say stuff, I mean like a bag of crisps or a can of pepsi. I’ve now realised, anyone that steals anything less that £5…..makes you kind of a pleb. Unless you’re stealing a loaf of bread to feed your starving family, nothing worth that little amount of money is worth stealing.

Banks, Nuclear Missiles and Jewellery I can understand. Not 10p Freddo Chocolate Bars.

Anyway, after my mother passed away, there were certain times when my older sister would be away at university so it was just me and my dad. It was like being 12 and having a 45 year old room mate. But because my dad wouldn’t get home from work till about 6:30pm, I got into this weird routine where i’d just wander around the local town centre on my own after school and steal tampons from Sainsbury’s. And I NEVER got caught. I bet the people working there were just like “i’m not grassing on that kid, he’s obviously got mental issues”

I took all these tampons to the local park and just threw them in a bush. I’m talking like 50 tampons.

I also went through this stage of wearing womens sunglasses….TO SCHOOL. Not only they were they sunglasses made for a woman, they were my sisters sunglasses that I stole, poked out the lenses and just wore these white sunglasses frames around the corridors at school.

I was going through a KoRn phase and I’d just recently seen an interview with the singer wearing something very similar. This is a rockstar, with loads of money, who had already gone through puberty and probably had all the friends and sex he needed.

I was a stuttering, blonde kid who got a boner at least 26 times a day.

I got rid of the stutter.


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